Jesus I despise Brexit.

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grufty jim G
grufty jim Mar 10, 2019 09:40:45
Replying to nigelswift

Talk in the Irish broadsheets this morning that the EU have completely run out of patience with the UK government.

The sequence of events as seen from Dublin...

EU:
"in order to remain compatible with the Belfast Agreement, Northern Ireland must temporarily remain part of the Custom Union, pending an alternate solution that will keep the border open. We'll even call it a "backstop" so cricket-loving English people will be familiar with the term.


UK (under the watchful eye of the DUP who are keeping the UK government in power by this point):
"Absolutely not! We will have no truck with any solution that treats Northern Ireland any differently to the rest of the UK.


EU:
"But... but... you already HAVE all sorts of differentiation between the two; from social and legal differences to actual checks on agricultural produce between the two..."


UK:
"la la la la la la!"


Dublin:
"Hey EU, don't bother pressing that point... the DUP are involved here and they don't make any sense and never have; we just have to pretend those differences don't exist otherwise everyone puts their fingers in their ears and goes "la la la la la!" really loudly. It's psychotic, but it's UK politics."


UK:
"la la la la la la!"


EU (shouting to be heard):
"OK, OK, Britain, so what do you propose?"


UK:
"la la la... huh?"


EU:
"So what do you propose?"


UK:
"A UK-wide backstop instead... the entire UK gets covered by the backstop as a kind of informal Custom Union until we have a comprehensive trade deal in place that will keep the British border in Ireland open..."


EU:
"Jeez, that really doesn't sit well with us. You'll be getting all the benefits of the free market without any of the fiscal responsibility... it really goes against our rules (which you helped write, remember?)"


UK (suddenly unexpectedly belligerent):
"Look you foreign fucks! Either it's a UK-wide backstop, or we start up with the la la la's... and we'll starve the paddies again while we're at it!"


EU:
"Fine... if that's what it takes to get you to start acting like decent neighbours to the Irish for the first time in 1600 years... then we'll bend the rules... a UK-wide backstop it is..."


UK:
"la la la la la!"


EU:
"But? now what?"


UK:
"A UK-wide backstop?! Are you fucking kidding me? We'll never succumb to that kind of EU-meddling and latter-day Fourth Reich bullshit! Never surrender! Spitfires and The Queen and Bulldogs and fuck you for trying to trap us in a UK-wide backstop!! la la la la la!"


EU:
"What the ACTUAL fuck just happened there?"


Dublin:
"Now you see what we've been dealing with...."

N nigelswift
nigelswift Mar 10, 2019 10:13:59
Replying to grufty jim

Brilliant!

T tjj
tjj Mar 10, 2019 10:14:48
Replying to grufty jim

As ever very witty but not helpful - lines like 'we'll starve the paddies again' are just not funny. My mother was Irish so I guess that makes me half Irish and believe me I have made a point of learning about Irish history at the hands of Britain. I really don't blame the Irish for experiencing a sense of schadenfreude at the mess Britain has got itself in, I've no doubt the Irish sharp wit is being honed at our expense. So be it, I remember the first time I stood up and objected to an Irish joke ... you don't hear those jokes any more. The shoe is on the other foot. As well as being half Irish, I'm also half English and like almost everyone in the UK at the moment, we are bewildered and, when you hear stories about people becoming violent over food shortages, not a little scared. And like most other 'ordinary people' we have stopped expressing our pointless opinions and are waiting, hoping all will be well.

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