>I just think people need to seriously think about what they're doing.<

Yes, I agree. Traditional graves in Japan are not dissimilar in appearance to those in this country (a rectangular plot of stones with a headstone at one end). The big difference is that most graves are family graves - the main inscription reading 'The House of Tanaka' (or whatever). When a member of the family dies he or she is cremated and the ashes deposited in a little chamber at the base of the headstone where they are eventually washed into the earth.

The point is that when someone visits the family grave they will take with them flowers, candles, incense, maybe a little flask of sake or some rice cakes, which are place on a small stone table in front of the headstone. Prayers are said and then everything is taken up and taken home (the flowers may be left). The idea is to offer the 'spirit' of these things to the deceased (the kids get to eat the actual cakes :-) A similar idea is found in Japanese etiquette - when declining a favour or a gift offered the words used are, "Thank you, but I will take only the sprit of you kindness."

Perhaps people could be persuaded to leave only the spirit of their offerings at sacred places.