"Luckily neither Bolton nor my Northumberland finds has seen metal detectors yet"

You have local clubs though. And the most notorious Rally organiser of all is based near you. He runs them every week. Where? It's a secret. "Meet at the Little Chef carpark" is all that's ever said. He also specialises in mega-rallies at sensitive places. He's holding another at Thornborough in September - and he tells me next year he'll be taking 800 of them down to try their luck on our behalf at Maiden Castle. Mind you, just yesterday he sent me a single word email saying "W*NKER" so I might have it all wrong.

I don't know anything about the milden jewel. I do know one of them has just been given half of £360,000 by you the taxpayer for tastefully lifting the Newark Torc while searching for aircraft bits from a wartime air crash site. Very generous of you.