No, it's an old one that's been pulled out of its socket. I'm hoping the setting is relatively unbroken and that I can clean it out and lever the stone sideways back into it. At about 330 kilos it's close to my weight limit - just using levers. Landowner's full permission - it's just another stone to the statutory authorities. Richard Bradley did drop a hint that I was like Keiller. My hair's the colour of marmalade, at least.

Ecologists also describe ecosystem modification as gardening. It's in a bad way out there - collapsing. Valley has maybe 500 stones pulled out and on their sides - I'm just going for the obvious ones - it is sculpture. The shooting manager has threatened me with being beaten up by four gamekeepers if I write anymore. I've been describing the last few days as 'like being in an episode of Heartbeat'.

Nobody's told him