Men are great in many ways
But one thing's fookin' ace
And that's a fleecy, furry, curly
Snuggly, fuzzy face

A gent is much enhanced thus
'Cept for those that are long and flowing
Unkempt beards are really gross
And do not get me going.

I'm not so keen at this extreme
They don't need to be so full-a
Take Gandalph, for example
Or a middle eastern mullah.

The beard game is a tough one
And if you really want to win
Consider very carefully
The whiskers on your chin

If your woman doesn't want 'full face'
on the grounds of bad skin rash
Why not try a little cute
and neatly trimmed moustache?

Want to look more mature
and really cut a dash?
Sport a goatee on your jaw
You'll look wiser in a flash!

Some girls think that hair means dirt
But I think hair is cute
Indeed there's nothing more attractive
Than a gentleman hirsute.

So I 'big it up' for facial fuzz
I have oft-out-cheered
Those who smeared and jeered and sneered at
The much revered beard!

Hurrah!