Top Ten Tips for Getting Along on a Forum:

1. WRITE ALL YOUR MESSAGES IN CAPS AND NEVER USE PERIODS OR RETURNS SO THAT EVERYONE HAS TO SCROLL ACROSS THEIR SCREENS TO READ EVERY LINE ---- USE A LOT OF !!!!!!!!!!!'s ---- AND USE PLENTY OF DDOOUUBBLLEE LLEETTEERRSS TO SHOW HOW EXCITED YOU ARE ABOUT BEING HERE!!!!!!!

2. If an obvious newbie posts a question such as "Where can I learn about stones?", respond with a terse "google it", or something else that denotes your superiority; NEVER offer a constructive link.

3. On-line veterans like to use abbreviations like IMHO (in my humble opinion) and RTFM (read the f...... manual). Make up your own acronyms that don't mean anything (BRLX2, SETO, CP30), use them liberally, and then refuse to explain what they stand for. When asked, respond with "google it" or "BRLX2!!!!"

4. Respond to every thread on the board. Relate them to something of interest to you. For example if the topic is WinXp, say: "I have windows XP and in 'My Documents' is an article about President Bush isn't he wonderful?"
Or: "I am running Win98se do you think this link (Provide a link to your own obnoxious website) will work on XP also?"

5. Post a question you've seen about a thousand times before on the same forum. Wait five minutes, post it again; this time ask why no one has responded to your question. When the regulars get annoyed respond to them with profanity, caps, and exclamation marks. Repost the question.

6. When posting a reply, do not respond to the content of the original message, instead correct everyone's grammar and spelling and point out their typos. If they respond testily to your "constructive criticism", do it again. Continue until they go away.

7. (This one works best if you have a static IP) Post a message. Respond to it yourself with "DON'T BE STUPID !!!!!!!!!". Start a flame war with yourself, fill up the whole page. Flame anyone who criticizes you along the way, deny it was you.

8. (Also works best with a static IP) Pretend to be someone else who is a regular, (preferably someone who is helpful and well respected) Use any or all of the tactics above and sign it with their nick. Again, deny it was you, flame anyone who points out that it's your IP.

9. Two words: Do not give up. All of these suggestions could result in your message being removed, do not accept this! Post a message demanding to know why. Pretend you know which admin removed it and accuse him/her of being a 'Deletist Nazi Pig' or something similar. Deny having done whatever it was that got your post removed, then do it again. With any luck this will get you banned from the group, do not give up until you are banned.

10. Use a proxy, go to a forum that has banned your IP, demand to know why. (be rude about it) Deny everything, then apologize for your outburst and beg to be unbanned. If this works go back on the forum and badmouth the admins, especially the one who unbanned you. Keep this up until banned again, repeat the process for as long as it works, or until every proxy and/or public IP you can find has been banned.