The worms aren't turning

Littlestone Jan 28, 2006 12:16:54

This morning, while turning over a bit of MY allotment, everything became crystal clear :-)

I forked up a sod and, as I was about to flip 'im over, noticed a worm stretched out below lying perfect' straight. The worm didn't move on so I turned over another sod, and there below were another worm, also perfect' straight and facing in the same direction as the first worm - which was pointing roughly north towards a clump of mushrooms I could see on the horizon (though you never can tell what's head and what's tail with a worm so it might have been facing south towards the gasworks).

I turned over more sods and below each one it were the same. At this point I put down MY little fork and scratched MY little head. "What's this Littlestone?" I did address MYSELF, "worms all lined up and facing north?" (or south depending on your acquaintance with worms). So I did begin to dig again and though I do not have the words to describe what I saw properly it were basically hundreds and hundreds of worms all facing north (or south depending on you or the worms' perspective).

This ready crop of worms were all as quiet and as still as a still thing, and I do not know how to explain it to all the wise and clever people here on TMA because I do not have the words or the maths for it but if I did I would try, but failing that I can show you, if you have time, to come and see for yourselves; and I will prove to you with proof so that we can talk about MY idea that all the worms in the world are gathering along indescribable lines of energy that only a few people (and I am one of them) can detect with MY little sodding fork. A lot of these lines have sheds on them aligned north-south and some have hydrants and some even have sprinklers but I know (because I know) that what I saw this morning is part of a great worm grid, probably produced by an energy source somewhere deep inside the ancient earth (or perhaps even from just below MY compost heap) that I do not know how to explain it yet. I know that it's there though, but because I am not good with words I know I am right, because MY little fork and MY little spade keep showing Me that I am right and one day everything will become as clear to you there as it is to ME here.*

* On the question of derision, to which no doubt the above will sadly be subjected, I can only quote the American songwriter Otto Harbach (1873-1969)

They asked me how I knew
My true love was true.
I of course replied
'Something here inside'...
Cannot be denied
Now laughing friends deride tears I cannot hide,
So I smile and say 'When a lovely flame dies,
Smoke gets in your eyes.'

PS For the sane, still managing to cling on, have a great and 'energy' free weekend ;-)

goffik Jan 28, 2006 12:40:24

Replying to Littlestone

Ah, yer a good lad, Littlestone... ;o)

Made me smile, anyways... By 'eck, I remember when this were all lighthearted chit-chat about ancient sites... >sigh<

;o)

G x

follow that cow Jan 28, 2006 13:28:45

Replying to Littlestone

As Littlestone takes a well earned cuppa break from his gardening.

Tea, sugar, biscuit ........ and NO.... NOT MILK!!

With terror we realise his predicament, we all shout,

"Fer gawd's sake careful with the semi skimmed, Littlestone!!!"

Too, late ...... a single drip misses his mug of char and plummets headwards(tailwards) onto the chief worm.... SHPLAAT...

as a single body all worms turn ....

For the first time in millenia, the allotment worms are now operational ..

PeterH Jan 28, 2006 13:31:45

Replying to Littlestone

You have discovered the Ultimate Truth! The worms are really snakes and if you cut one in half you will see that there is a swastika in the cross section of its guts. Use the swastika to start the motor and crystal cabbages will spring up all over your allotment. These will keep the lizards from destroying the Earth.

Lubin Jan 28, 2006 17:24:43

Replying to Littlestone

Was it smoke that got in your eyes, or were you crying over the spilt milk?

Peace , Lubin

moss Jan 28, 2006 17:53:24

Replying to Littlestone

Have to add this, because its really really true - but worms mate up on the racecourse, at a certain time of the year, they congregate on the surface its ghastly to observe. It has to be a certain temperature and just after it has rained and then they appear conjoined in some ritualistic fest....... its like those ants living under the paving stones - theres more of them than there is of us.....
Littlestone that was a really good worm story.

cropredy Jan 28, 2006 19:17:36

Replying to Littlestone

As a keen angler of 40 years experience , you are really tempting me to tell all about worms.
I really KNOW how to bring tham to the surface, and it has to do with electricity, Shall I continue ?

All things pass, K.

cropredy Jan 29, 2006 00:25:15

Replying to Littlestone

You protest, too loudly.
K.

cropredy Jan 29, 2006 01:19:22

Replying to Littlestone

Littlestone, A can of worms,
I ran a business in Yorks, collecting , cleaning worms.
I am an expert in worms, all types of worms.
Bloodworms , were my real speciality.
The smallest, most wriggliest of these,
are called Jokers,
They are collected from human sewerage.
They nest on the silt of streams, filter feeding , on the sewerage of humans.
They are the larvae of mosquito.
Luckily, they are not vectors of malaria.
I can collect them with ease, and feed them to the fishes.
I have an uncanny knack of being able to spot worms.
I am pure bred hunter, IF I turn my hunting skills onto any foe, I never miss.
K.