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1 min: Programme intro.

WAKE: I'm asking you to call a stop to the proceedings.

(A Druid raises his arms to the Long Man, with the women on the figure in the background. The women file up onto the Long Man. The women get into position)

25 mins: End of segment sequence.

NARRATOR:…and they embrace the female form by getting their hands on a giant man.

(T&S talking to Chris Tuckett, from Sussex Archaeological Society, at the base of the figure)

SUSANNAH:How can we be sure it's a bloke because there's no penis?

34 mins:

NARRATOR: Meanwhile Trinny and Susannah are about to take their mission up a gear.

(Trinny and Susannah on motorbikes approaching Wilmington)

SUSANNAH: Today wasn't just about telling a few women how to shop. I mean the message is far greater than that. And we want to encourage women to really celebrate their bodies, no matter what shape they are. And we need to broadcast this message on the biggest canvas we can find.

NARRATOR: What better canvas than a giant man? Time for the girls to study shape and size on a huge scale with the Long Man of Wilmington and his keeper Chris Tuckett from the Sussex Archaeological Society.

(T&S at the base of the figure with Chris Tuckett)

SUSANNAH: So tell us about him. What's his history? How old is he?

CHRIS TUCKETT: Well no one really knows really. Um, A lot of people think he could be a pagan war-god. Um, other people think he's a fertility symbol.

SUSANNAH:How can we be sure it's a bloke because there's no penis? And it's kind of quite, from this angle it's quite a womanly shape.

CHRIS TUCKETT: Do you think so?


SUSANNAH: Yes it's got hips.

CHRIS TUCKETT: Yeah, I've got good hips.

TRINNY: Not like that you haven't. Do you know why we're here?

CHRIS TUCKETT: I've got absolutely no idea. I'm quite worried now actually.

TRINNY: Well what we actually want to do is we want to change him into a woman.


TRINNY: Not permanently.


TRINNY: We want to give him breasts and we want to give him some hips and then we might change him and give him broad shoulders or narrow shoulders and…

CHRIS TUCKETT: Well as long as you promise me to look after him.


CHRIS TUCKETT: Apparently if you go up there on Midsummer's Night…


CHRIS TUCKETT: …and you want to get your girlfriend or your wife pregnant then that's the time to do it, because it's guaranteed that you'll get pregnant.

SUSANNAH: Trinny, shall we go and make a baby?

(All three climbing up onto the Long Man)

SUSANNAH: If we can get close. It's really big.

TRINNY: I'm so unfit! I can hardly breathe!

(On the Long Man)

SUSANNAH: Okay, let's just sit quietly and see if we can feel the vibe.

TRINNY: What are you feeling darling?

SUSANNAH: I'm feeling my ovaries…shaking around. I feel that fourth child is going to be arriving…

(Trinny leaps on Susannah)

TRINNY: Stop! Give it to me! I'm the one who should have another baby! You've got enough!

41 mins:

(Addressing a crowd of women in a shopping street)

SUSANNAH: Are you up for changing the landscape? You don't know what I'm talking about do you?

(The women running onto the Long Man)

NARRATOR: Next the girls celebrate British women's shape by giving a giant man a sex change.

(Druids confronting T&S)

WAKE: I'm asking you to call a stop to the proceedings.

46 mins:

(Arial shot of the Long Man)

NARRATOR: Trinny and Susannah's crusade to educate women about their shape is ending in epic style. On the Sussex Downs. The girls are putting on a catwalk show with a giant backdrop.

(Trinny with the women who will go on the Long Man)

TRINNY: Okay ladies, off you go! Off you go!

(The women run towards the Long Man)

NARRATOR: For the first time in his existence this ancient symbol of masculinity, the Long Man of Wilmington, is going to be redrawn as a woman.

(The women walking towards the Long Man)

NARRATOR: And not just one woman. Four differently shaped women.

TRINNY: Fantastic! Woooo!

(A group of Druids and Odinists)

NARRATOR: But not if these people have anything to do with it. The Woden Folk are Pagans and they're not impressed with what the girls are planning.

(T&S talking to Pagans)

SUSANNAH: If you look at in a different way, and I think, ladies, you might understand this. Commercialism, the way magazines are, are really doing a disservice to women. And we want Woden to kind of help make women feel better about themselves, help give women confidence about..What we're doing is not commercial. It's all about how women feel about themselves in side. Yeah.

WAKE: I'm asking you to call a stop to the proceedings.

SUSANNAH: Okay…right. Okay, we have a dilemma…

WAKE: And find some alternative way to do…

SUSANNAH: We have a dilemma, because we hear what you say and if we do go ahead with it you absolutely have your right to protest. You absolutely have that right. And we do hear what you are saying.

WAKE: Well either way, thank you very much for stopping and…

SUSANNAH: No, well thank you for talking to us and you could wear a slightly wider belt.


DAMH: We knew, we knew (you were going to do that)

NARRATOR: While it's stalemate for Trinny and Susannah and the Pagans, the Guildford shoppers have arrived to join the celebrations in their new outfits…

48 mins:

NARRATOR: Before the show gets started Susannah's got a date on the Downs.

(Susannah in white boiler-suit. The Women arrive at the foot of the Long Man. A Druid blows a horn. Ride of the Valkyries plays in the background)

NARRATOR: But half a mile away at the foot of the Long Man, Woden's welcoming committee is waiting.

(Protestors boo the women)

Woman protestor: Shame on you!

(Susannah arrives on a quad bike. Two members of Woden's Folk, one of whom is Troy Southgate, looking at the women with Druids further away)

Member of Woden's Folk (dubbed, as he is on camera at the time not talking): Are you celebrating the female form? (unclear) Look at you!

(Susannah about to address the women)

Member of Woden's Folk (dubbed, as he is on camera at the time not talking): (unclear) …come to your senses!

(Unclear. Lots of cheering from the women and indistinguishable shouts from protestors)

SUSANNAH: Don't worry about the abuse here. Okay, all I want to say is is that we are going onto a sacred archaeological site and we need to respect it…

Troy Southgate (From Woden's Folk): You're going to desecrate an ancient site!

SUSANNAH: …we need to respect these guys' point of view…

Troy Southgate (From Woden's Folk): You're going to desecrate an ancient site, that's what you're going to do!

SUSANNAH: And we're going to go up there and we're going to be an inspiration to all women out there. So let's just go out and enjoy it. Okay?

(The women cheer. Shot of the Druids further away. The women walk onto the Long Man)

NARRATOR: So despite the Pagans' protests, the Long Man's sex-change begins.

(Wake looking at the Long Man. The women get into position.)

TRINNY (On radio): Calling Susannah, calling Susannah. Over.

SUSANNAH (On radio): I'm just trying to work out which side is left and which side is right at the moment. We're just getting everyone into, um, kind of vague places.

(Druids calling an Awen at the foot of the Long Man)

SUSANNAH: And meanwhile, down below, there is a Pagan circle.

(Close shot of Druids calling an Awen)

TRINNY: Alright, well you make your own circle. Over. We're doing the cornet first (One of the body shapes)

(close up of the women on the Long Man. A Druid Awen played over the shot)

SUSANNAH: Alright ladies! Can you lie down.

(The Long Man transformed from the air)

TRINNY: Can we make the ankles thinner? Over.

SUSANNAH: Uh…ankles! The right ankle needs to be a little bit thinner.

(A Druid raises his arms to the Long Man, with the women on the figure in the background.)

SUSANNAH: You need to come in a little bit.

(Women on the Long Man shuffling over)

(Fashion sequence in Wilmington with transformed Long Man in background)

50 mins:

TRINNY: Susannah, come in Susannah. Over.

SUSANNAH: You don't need to shout so loudly

TRINNY: Alright, we've done our cornet and we're now going onto our Pear. Over.

SUSANNAH: Okay. Position two!

(Women running into place)

SUSANNAH: Thick ankles. Think of Trinny. Low…slung…arse. (To women) You need to come in a bit and you need to come in a bit and you need to come in a tiny bit.

(Arial shot of Long Man)

Middle-aged Woman on Long Man: I answered an advert in the, um, Argus for a fun day out and this is what I'm doing. It's wonderful!

Young Woman on the Long Man: At college they just said they needed physically fit women to take part in a fun challenge. And then I phoned up and they were, like, You're going to be turning the Long Man into a woman.

(Fashion sequence in Wilmington with transformed Long Man in background)

52 mins:

TRINNY: Okay Sues, we've done the Pear.

SUSANNAH: Position number three! Apple!

(The women move into position)

SUSANNAH: Okay Trin, is it beginning to take shape?

TRINNY: Right hand side needs to go out a bit. Push it out a bit towards the top.

SUSANNAH: Okay, you need to go out a tiny bit and then you stay, I think…

Elderly woman on the Long Man: I've known the Long Man since I was a little girl. I remember it when it was painted green during the War, so that enemy planes wouldn't see it. And now the Long Man is seeing something quite different. I think they're wrong, the Druids down there.

(close up on Wake looking up at the Long Man)

…but I don't think it's their hill anymore than anybody else's hill. I think we're quite alright here.

(Fashion sequence in Wilmington. Long Man not shown, except in one brief moment where it appears untransformed)

SUSANNAH: Okay! Position number four. The Hourglass.

(The women getting into position from the air)

TRINNY: Those tits don't look very big to me. Okay, let's give her an encouraging cheer.

(Cheers from the women in Wilmington.)

TRINNY: Are we happy with the hips? I didn't hear you! Are we happy with the hips?


TRINNY: Thank you. Are you happy with the shape?

SUSANNAH (Lying on the Long Man): I think this has been one of the best days I've ever had. Don't you girls? Hasn't it been great today?


It's just been fab.

(Fashion sequence in Wilmington with transformed Long Man in background)


TRINNY: We've done our shapes, so come back here.

(Brief shot of Susannah walking off the Long Man. Brief scene in Wilmington. Helicopter taking off. Shots of Susannah looking at transformed Long Man, but without a shot of both her face and the transformed figure. She was not in the helicopter while the women were on the figure, so a stand in must have been used with their face concealed. Montage of fashion interviews, shot of the Long Man being transformed from the air and another shot of the Susannah stand-in waving to the women on the Long Man from the helicopter)

VOICE OF TRINNY/SUSANNAH (Supposedly in helicopter): I don't know how we can ever top that. Do you?

VOICE OF TRINNY/SUSANNAH (Supposedly in helicopter): We'll find a way.

(The hymn "Jerusalem" reaches a crescendo with a final shot of the Long Man transformed)

Cursuswalker Posted by Cursuswalker
21st November 2007ce
Edited 23rd November 2007ce

Comments (4)

Thank you for this, I did force myself to watch the programme and yes, it was unforgettable for all the wrong reasons. I will definitely be making a complaint - primarily from the aspect of disrespect to the LONG MAN and the local Pagans - but also the exploitation of the women involved. I guess they must have received a fee because why else would anyone stand semi-clothed for several hours at a time in a public place. They looked freezing.

I will also post a comment on the Forum.

Best wishes
tjj (june)
tjj Posted by tjj
21st November 2007ce
Could it be that the long man has always been subject to alterations in the past, Rodney Castledon suggested the man may have been modified over time (or perhaps even dressed for different occasions). I think Trinny and Susanna have exposed the figure to poeple who never knew he existed. More people will now be aware of him than ever before. Is the conteemporary medias obsession with body image a form of secular religion of which Trinny and Sussanna are high preistesses? There certainly seems to be a sense of ritual in their recent t.v. series (even if that is just humiliation) olly Posted by olly
21st November 2007ce
I think all they have done is expose the figure to the danger of more and more trespassing. This is a very sensitive archaeological site and anything that encourages people to go on the figure should be deplored.

Archaeology is a non-renewable resource.
Cursuswalker Posted by Cursuswalker
22nd November 2007ce
i can see your point olly Posted by olly
30th November 2007ce
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